.


LOL! Travel Security Update! LOL!

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession
of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a
morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes
the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

Mr. Gonzales did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI
with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by
means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
absolute values."

"They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country."

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to
every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given
us more fingers and toes."

Thanks to Linda Miller for this week's WINNING JOKE submission!

http://biospecificprograms.com




.

Is Hell endo or exothermic?

CRITICAL THINKING EXERCISE!


Is Hell endo or exothermic?


>The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
>chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the
>professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course,
>why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
>
>Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
>heat)?
>
>Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
>cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
>
>One student, however, wrote the following:
>
>First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
>to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
>they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
>to Hell, it will never leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
>
>As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
>Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that
>if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
>
>Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
>belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
>
>With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
>in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
>the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
>temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has
>to expand proportionately as souls are added.
>
>This gives two possibilities:
>
>1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
>Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
>Hell breaks loose.
>
>2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the rate at which souls enter
>Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
>
>So which is it?
>
>If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa, (Cheerleader Captain and
>Class Valedictorian) during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day
>in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the
>fact that I slept with her last night and again this morning, then number 2
>must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
>frozen over.
>
>The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
>that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving
>only Heaven, and thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which
>explains why Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!!!"
>
>THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"



LOL LOL LOL LOL





CLICK HERE to read what is NOT so funny about home-based businesses :(




Hey! Did you have much winter where you live? No snow for you Hawaiians?
VIEW slideshow of our snowy wonderland in the Catskill Mountains of New York state on VALENTINE'S DAY.



**********

Celebrating!

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant,
and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her
drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she
took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"




*******************************
CLICK HERE to find out how Russian herbs from Sibera mixed with seaweed from Tonga can help YOU relieve STRESS! This is not funny!

WOW. BE IN AWE. HUBBLE TELESCOPE PHOTO'S

From the Awesome Desk of Pat Crosby



WOW. BE IN AWE. HUBBLE TELESCOPE PHOTO'S




In Sibera, early last century, a CRATER hig planet earth - smashing, scorching, devastaing everything. Miraculously, the plants grew back bigger and stronger than ever. Scientists, studying these awesome new plants, called them ADAPTOGENS - as they adapted so powerfully and readily to these xtreme conditions. Pub Med has many many studies on these biological agents. You can now obtain them in a liquid juice formulation for better health, energy, and overall healing.

LAUGH! LOL! 2 in a Hospital

From: Pat Crosby


2 in a Hospitl


Two little kids are in a hospital lying on stretchers next to each
other
outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a
little nervous."


The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that
done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they
give you lots of jello and ice cream. It's a breeze."


The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

"Whoa!" the second kid replies, "Good luck buddy, I had that done
when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."




Need better nutrition? Recipes and facts for better eating. Less money, faster, top nutrition

LAUGH! LOL! LICENSE TO PILL! Anti-drug video cartoon

From: Pat Crosby


LAUGH! LOL! LICENSE TO PILL! Anti-drug video cartoon


From: The Office of Pat Crosby





Licensed to Pill video. Lots of fun :)


http://www.cafeoflifepikespeak.com/Videos/Licensed%20To%20Pill.swf

Online Health Food Store. Get ALL your essentials. Low prices. Hi quality for YOU. Home delivery. 40+ countries.


Immune boosting green drink from the treasury of the ocean. With ADAPTOGEN HERBS from Russia. Boost your energy. Boost your immune system. Feel better now.

MAN HITS GUARD RAIL AND FLIPS END OVER END OVER THAT CULVERT!